Wether planned, unplanned, long waited for or recent news… finding out you’re pregnant brings up a rush of a million emotions.
The day I find out I was pregnant, I could not believe it. After our share of negative tests, I was depositing no hope whatsoever on that month and was doing the test to get it over with. So, when I look over and see one strong line and one faint line, I was hopeful but not really hopeful. I nervously read the instructions and saw “even if one line is faint, it is a positive test”. I sobbed. I could not believe that moment had finally come. I finally saw the lines we were waiting for. I couldn’t believe it. And of all days, today, the day of daddy’s birthday. I had imagined that possibility at the beginning of the month (yes, when you are trying to get pregnant you calculate too much), but never thought it would actually happen. However, I was still not convinced. So, I quickly got ready and left the house before daddy was even up. On my way to work I bought another test, the digital kind, so there would be no doubts. At work, in a secluded bathroom I decide to do the 2nd test… and bam! There it was: “PREGNANT”. No doubts about it! I was beaming! I can’t even remember being that purely and genuinely happy in a long, long time. How to work and disguise such happiness all day? It was really hard! I kept looking at the pictures I had taken of the test, still thinking it wasn’t true.
Telling daddy at night-time was equally as great of a moment. The plan was to give him a card saying “last-minute present” at dinner. Fortunately, perceptive as he is, he knew something was up and was able to “guess” the news before we even left. I say fortunately, because we wouldn’t have been able to experience such a great reaction in a public space. Pure joy, amazement, happiness, jumping up and down, wanting to make sure it was real moment! Best present ever! The look on his face was priceless!
After the feelings of incredible excitement, thoughts of how this was an unreal and unbelievable experience started to taper down, the fears began to settle in. What if something goes wrong? All this time waiting for this joy and what if it goes away? The anxiety of not knowing if everything is ok and nervously waiting for the 1st appointment at 8-10 weeks, seemed like an eternity. Even going to the doctor did not ease much of the anxiety. They can’t promise you everything will be ok. So, fortunately my doctor wanted a dating ultrasound to make sure our timing was correct. That was a highlight of the 1st trimester. Hearing that little heart beat and seeing that little baby already starting to take shape, was an incredible and undescribable feeling. It brought tears to our eyes.
Even though that ultrasound eased some of the nervousness, we still had another month of trying to keep a secret and praying that everything would work out well! Due to some optional testing, we also were able to see our little pumpkin again at 12 weeks and see the difference, the growth, see it moving and kicking around already, and felt reassured that everything was going well.
So besides the emotional roller coaster of joy, fear, hope, etc., there is the array of physical symptoms that come along with this blissful time. I was lucky enough not to become best friends with the toilet, but nausea was present from beginning to end, which led to a whole lot of food aversions, that I am just starting to overcome. From nausea, tiredness, sleepiness, cramps, bloating and starting not to be able to button your pants (or fit in your bra, for that matter), being pregnant is hard work. Going to work full-time, while trying to disguise all these symptoms for 2 months, is quite an accomplishment. The contradictory feelings of being happy, but feeling sick and trying to keep it all a secret can become overwhelming. But, if there is one thing I have to say is despite all the discomforts, it is a time where you can physically feel miserable, but still psychologically feel energized, positive, and relaxed (despite the moments of anxiety), as never before. At least, that’s what I felt.
Then, the best part of the first trimester: being able to share the news! Reaching 13 weeks feels like an accomplishment and makes you feel a little bit less worried about the future (still not totally, as I was to find out). But, being able to tell family and friends just makes all the worries go away. Sharing our happiness with others and seeing how happy they are, was truly the 3rd highlight of the 1st trimester… right after finding out we were pregnant and seeing and hearing our baby for the first time, of course!
What are your thoughts and experiences? Comment below to share your 1st trimester experiences!